Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize