You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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