so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
