Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
