69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you will always have a special place in my vag
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
