I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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