Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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