She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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