ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
