problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
