First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
