Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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