He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
