last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
