I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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