Need sex. Gaining weight.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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