Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
