i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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