Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
