It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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