you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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