remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
