Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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