There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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