I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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