Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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