he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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