This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
