if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
