mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
