The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
