we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When did angry sex become our thing?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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