Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
