I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
