I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
