i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
