I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
