My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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