The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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