he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just had sex bonerless
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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