Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
