I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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