So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
