Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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