Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can i not drive my cunt home
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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