fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
