ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
