I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
home. puking in laundry basket.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
