Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
