I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
