im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
