I can text with my tongue
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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