He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
