TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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