this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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