where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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