Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
