oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
