The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
