im having a threesome with these popsicles
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
