I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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