i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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