Nicole vs. Life
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
