you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she told me i tasted like america
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
