I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
