there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
