i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
